Hanging Out and Hanging On

Life is an uncertain path for the most part. We choose and pick our way through it striving for whatever need or desire is pushing our buttons at the moment. Some of us are born with this dream of what we want to do, how we will do it and pretty much get on the path straight on. Others dream but not of one, or two things but zillions of things they want to do. It’s a harder path since the path changes all the time.

Matters not the type of path you have or all the good intentions in the world. Life happens to us – each and every day. Something unplanned for, unexpected rears it’s head and changes the landscape just a bit. Some people take it as it comes and others are totally unbalanced by it. Matters not what it is, be the experience/happening/conversation/life stopper or life starter event…it’s how we react to it.

I know this in my mind. I know this in my soul. Other people may not understand that the ultimate end of the event or path we take because of it, relies slowly upon their shoulders, in the deep recesses of their conscious/unconscious. I do though, I’ve lived it. I’ve tried in my life to learn the discipline of it. The acceptance of the responsibility of what this event is, and how it might change our lives, lies with me. Many years later of “just living my life” later finds me failing to live it.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, but practice daily the acknowledgement that you own it. Practice your acceptance and response with the little things in life. How we react to something someone says, or doesn’t say to us. Practice how big or little we allow the argument to ruffle our feathers and upset our relationship, or not. Practice with all your heart and soul forgiving yourself and others and loving the condition. Practice smiling at others instead of frowning from the worry in your head. Practice stilling your thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow and focus on making good happen here in the now of your life.

We each walk our own paths. Fortunately most of us are blessed with family and friends. These other occupants in our lives assist us and help us but cannot make our decisions for us. Ultimately, we must find the peace to coexist but the ability to stand on our own. I know this but I have not practiced this so much lately in my own life.

I’ve spent over a year now, just wandering idly about like some goof (that I am). Not really appreciating that the clock is seriously ticking, while I sit spending time doing much of nothing worthwhile in the grand scheme of things.

I continue to say, I’m going to start this, do that, yada yada yada. I don’t even believe it myself. Talking to myself yesterday (yes, at least it wasn’t out loud), I asked what my Mom would say. She was the one that could pull me out of my self mired in myself. I heard her voice breathtakingly clearly say…Rickey Jane pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it. Staying in one place for so long can only hurt you. Start living your life again, because no one else is going to do it. Damn it, she as usual is right.

Instead of just picking a path to start on and begin wandering once more. I think I will sit here just a bit longer. I will sit and study this situation just a bit longer. I will make a plan. Then I will drum up the will power and conscious thought to own that plan. I will accept responsibility for my plan before I even begin it.

I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and walk the rest of my life from a plan with a goal at the end of it. I will fill my days with things that must be done to insure I reach my tiny, then bigger, then biggest goal. I will firmly place one foot in front of the other on that yellow brick road. I will own the responsibility for my life’s story and eventually the end of it.

Love can change the world but only if we share it.

Peace and love to you and yours, Rickey

 

How many times do we take the same path?

I would like to state for the record that this may or may not be the first time on this particular path. The path, you ask? Fitness, I respond! I for one think this will become not a path but a lifestyle this time. I have done it with my mind before, lost that and this too will be part of the particular path. I have done it with my eating habits before, and starting to lose that too, so it also will be part of this path. I’ve also done it with my fitness level (or lack thereof) and lost that, so it will be part of my path as well. A trifecta path of sorts you might say.

So, I don’t know about you…but I’m starting over. What is in the past can darn well stay there…it’s only in my memory anyway. I can recreate my mental habits, my eating habits, and my fitness habits. Starting earlier this week I’ve begun my journey. I don’t have to hold dear my past habits and continue to make bad choices.

I am declaring 01/21/2012 as the official new “Rickey Jane Wright Rudy” day. Why 01/21/2012…well that’s kind of personal but let’s just say the day means something to me. I am beginning prior to that date to get myself in order, set aside the trappings that I need to begin and preparing the soil of my soul, brain and body to be the person I know I can, and I know I want to be. The person that in living their life in a good way, a conscious way improves my self and, helps others to help themselves. I’m here to lend a hand. Each of you that know me personally knows that is one of my favorite things to do, anyway.

I will consciously put the vitamins, foods, supplements in my body that will help my body to continue to grow and not decline. I will fill my soul, mind and heart with the goodness of life, knowledge and divine energy to allow myself to grow and not decline. I will fill my days and hours with exercise and intent to build my body to grow and not decline.

I want to be in control and responsible for who, what and where I am. I want to decide where I am going and not “find myself there”. I’ve waited a long time in my life for this moment in time to be mine. It is here and I shall take advantage of it.

I hope you do too.

Love can change the world but only if we share it.

Peace and love to you and yours, Rickey

 

It’s another Stark and yet Brilliant January

I’ve had quite the year last year.  I hope parts of it will be repeated continually throughout this year, and some I hope to never repeat. I have now officially been unemployed for over a year. Not only are there fewer jobs the pay has dropped enormously. It’s frightening really that there are so few jobs and you will almost certainly earn less than your previous job. Here is a statistic that I heard on a morning news program. Yes, the unemployment numbers improved in December and for the most part the fourth quarter of 2011. This next fact however, is what is disheartening….since the beginning of the recession (financial fallout) there are six million fewer jobs now than then. Frightening, disheartening, lousy, but most of all devastating for the middle class.  I had actually heard larger numbers so I searched and found the number seven or eight million closer to the truth from an article on Wall Street Journal – here is the link: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/massive-revision-to-show-recession-was-even-worse-2010-02-04.

They say the recession ended in 2009. Their recession may have, unfortunately I don’t believe most American’s recession is over. I also don’t believe that it will be for some time. Now that isn’t to say, that we shouldn’t be trying to make our own lives better in whichever way we can. I personally can say we had a very small and laid back Christmas and it was exceptionally delightful.  I’m relearning how to shop and cook. I don’t still have six or 10 folks eating dinner every night. Which I always cooked too much worried I wouldn’t have enough. So, now instead of making menu’s for two weeks, I make them for one. I shop every week and am beginning to learn how to cook for four, and that we don’t need a sit down meal every night. I’m enjoying this, and I know my family is enjoying not having leftover’s staring them down from the inside of the fridge. Especially since when they were young it was a new meal every night, we were fortunate in that most meals we totally finished off the first time presented.

I have created a list of goals for myself for the New Year, the usual and the unusual. They are life goals, not resolutions. Books I need to read, to meditate daily combined with exercise to hold up this elderly body and mind, etc.. To research learning a new language, maybe pick up an art class or two. Sewing would be helpful, but I suspect expensive. I just don’t want to live another year of life, mindlessly plowing through it till the end. I don’t want another year of saying at the end of it, what just happened or one or two things being the “highlight” of the year. I want to define my year, my life, not be defined by it.

With that being said, in retrospect 2011 made me come a lot farther than I thought it had.

I hope 2012 is the same for all of us.

Love can change the world, but, only if we share it.

Peace and love to you and yours, Rickey

 

Which of you are Christian in your actions?

Stepping outside the door, the air lowers your body temperature immediately. Wind rushing against your face makes you brace and clench your muscles. Thank goodness for the sun that at least makes the air appear more pleasant than drab. The leaves blowing about are making skittering leaves and it’s only November and I am missing May already.

Holiday time has arrived whether you want or are ready for it. The Thanksgiving table has been put away and the Christmas trees are going up. We have work on the house so no outside lights for us. Our boys are very happy and I am very sad. Since, I don’t leave the house often now, and I don’t like cold, will I even really notice there are no lights? Probably not, so get over Rickey. I’ll put the tree up this week or maybe next, I’m definitely not one of the Thanksgiving weekend tree up girls. Plus I like mine up until January whatever. My Momma spoiled me. My best friend sometimes would keep hers up till March or April. What a trip but it made her happy. Happiness isn’t that what it is about?

Can you take an event, a sharing of time with others and the decorations that go along with it and create happiness? I believe you can. I believe that just from experience the decorations can make you feel safe, and happy. With that said, my background was such that Christmas was happy. Unfortunately, I believe there are individuals and children out there that Christmas was not a happy experience and that makes me sad.

If we truly are responsible for our own happiness and those we profess to love. Then how do we create that, how do we foster that? The majority of my happiness is derived from others, and that can be a gamble. But, not if I take responsibility for trying to give love and happiness to them. As tough as it is to take responsibility for myself well that takes a mindset. This year a bit harder as I’ve been unemployed all year. If my happiness is derived from others than not being able to give the gifts will make it harder to find.However, if their health is good and they are achieving and accomplishing their needs and goals – that is amazing all by itself and HAPPINESS is right there.

That I guess what is the heart of this post. As we travel through the holidays, thankful at Thanksgiving for the bounty – the people – the love – that we have to arrive at Christmas. Originally, if you believe certain stories the celebration of Christ’s birth became our Christmas celebration. Then the retailers began to participate and put their mark on it. You’ll have a great Christmas is everything you wish for comes true or you receive what you desire. I think Christmas needs to become a holiday that embraces the thankfulness we enjoy at Christmas. Christmas should not be about the have’s and the have nots. That is in fact what it is.

Children can’t be assured of having a breakfast, lunch or dinner all over our country in the summer. In school session they can be assured at least of a breakfast and a lunch at least in my state. What in the heck are we talking about wanting gifts? Shouldn’t we right the lives of those that have not, before we take advantage of what we have? OK, if you have more than you need to survive and can do that…good for you. But, giving to others that aren’t your family that are in need is the true Christian act. The true Christian act is to do that without them knowing that you did.

How many Christian’s will practice that act this year? How many will give to others whether it be a smile, hug, kiss, food, paying an electric bill for someone you don’t know? No, I am not in a position to do that…does that make me a hypocrite? I must take a look at myself before I question others. But, I also have to scream out why isn’t this an issue? Why are we so NON-CHRISTIAN if we are such a CHRISTIAN country? Do we need to teach this in school? Does it make it right that the 1% don’t worry about giving back while those of us that could give 20 dollars or for God’s sake a hug, unload a woman’s grocery cart for her while she holds a fussy baby in her arms………..why isn’t this normal?

What kind of people have we become?

I know love can cure the world, but only if we share it!

Love, peace and happiness for the holidays to you and yours!

Rickey is a Rudy

Forgiveness

There have been many in my life that have been kind enough to forgive me for my ugliness. I am sincere when I say thank you and God bless for your goodness in doing so. We so often live our lives in such a way we trample others, ignore, or are hateful and ashamedly most of the time don’t even know it. I am guilty of these transgressions and the opportunity one gives you in forgiveness allows the chance for you to redeem yourself. If able to do so to the person you have hurt, wonderful…if not then at least pass it on to someone else.

I don’t think the majority of the human race even tries to recognize their responsibility in trying to make others feel good, feel better, maybe even feel at all. To try and reach out and give encouragement, love, help the list goes on. We as humans are so wrapped up in our own world…we have no time…we didn’t realize…I didn’t see the look of  “hurt”, or hear the quiver in their voice or truly LISTEN to what they said. Is my life truly that much more important than theirs? My happiness, more important than theirs?

It is in giving that we receive, in loving that we are loved, in forgiving we are forgiven. Yet, do we propagate that? Do we practice this with our children, spouses, friends, for goodness sake your coworkers. How about the clerk at the grocery store that is having a tough day. Sometimes, just reach out with your eyes and truly “truly” say I hope you are having a wonderful day. They aren’t? Then give them a reason to go from negative to positive. A genuine smile, a sincere compliment, a joke to change the mindset. Guess what our day just got better as well – didn’t it?

I can remember (heck, I hope so)…when my kids were first becoming adults and venturing out into the workforce. Amazing isn’t it, but they did. They would gripe and complain (don’t we all?) about I don’t wanna go, I don’t feel good…or the days they really were ill but couldn’t miss work. I would suggest they use the tactic I’ve used for years. When someone says “Hi, how are you?” to respond without the wah wah’s and simply say I’m great – How about you? After that has happened several times after arriving at work, guess what your brain fell for it. You actually feel better. Why? You used your mind and put yourself where you need to be. You don’t have to be sick or upset…you can do it anytime…run your brain don’t let it run you.

What is the habit of water? It sinks to the lowest level. I truly believe our brain left unguided does the same thing. Sinks to the lowest level so that suddenly everything is negative and whiney. I believe you can use your brain to elevate yourself, but YOU have to use it..you have to be conscious of those thoughts that are subconsciously running through your head.

Forgiveness is an easy word. Forgiveness: for-give-ness, [fer-give-ness]…the act of forgiving; or of being forgiven. Forgive: to grant pardon or remission of (offense, debt) to absolve. 2. To give up claim on account of remit, 3. to cease to feel resentment against.

Most people believe perhaps correctly that it is of utmost importance to forgive others. I agree and do not depart from that belief. However, how may I forgive others if I do not forgive myself? We do not live this life without others. If there is a reason that I need or should forgive someone, than I am culpable as well. It takes two to create a situation or issue or friendship or love or life. We are not alone in anything within our lives.

I believe that I have much work to do…to forgive myself for the many interactions, the many acts, the many participation’s in so many instances that I need to forgive myself in order to forgive others. But, I must forgive myself in order to forgive them. The very same principal of I must love myself, in order to be loved.

After all, what in this life is of true importance? Our love, our family, our friends but what are they…a result of our love. To make this “love” the best it can be than I must forgive my trespasses in order to forgive others…so that we may have a love not being held back by a a serious of mistakes.

LOVE CAN CURE THE WORLD, BUT ONLY “ONLY” IF WE SHARE IT.

Peace and love to you and yours….Rickey

Funny how it just doesn’t matter any longer

I grew up with a Mom that made living worthwhile. She encouraged, she loved, she praised, she made you be responsible, she made you be an ENTITY, and you knew you were loved.

Christmas was unbelievable. Not because we had so much, but because she made you FEEL so much. Birthdays, Valentines, you were the most important person on the planet.

What an act that was to follow. The husband didn’t have a chance. No clue, where to begin or how to process or to follow up. She tried to teach but her language was so different than the others in my life she STOOD OUT LIKE A SHINING STAR. I’ve got kids, and NO I’M NOT THAT GOOD. I wish I was…but Mom Mom was the Queen of love and attention. I love you my precious Mom, and thank you for all you have given and to this day give to me.

Today was my birthday and the immediate family failed to remember AND YOU KNOW WHAT???? After all these years it didn’t matter. I wasn’t crushed or hurt and I didn’t even feel a twinge other than curiousity. Years ago….I would have been at my Deb’s place wailing. She may have even had to resurrect a wailing wall for me. Not today. Why? I don’t know…I don’t care…it doesn’t matter.  I created love today and that is what made me feel good, made me happy, it was my gift.

I pray that each of my days for the rest of my life are like this.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again….

Love will cure the world, but only if we share it…………….

Peace

Sweet Dreams

Rick

Read at your own risk.

We are experiencing glorious fall weather the past couple of days. Cold at night, cool in the day…just enough to make you think Indian Summer in the heartland might be over. Fall was my favorite time of year when I was young, ok younger. The horses were lively, the air crisp, you had glorious days of rain with no sunshine. Somewhere in life I quit appreciating fall as much. When you don’t have horses any longer, you can’t appreciate their feisty side in the fall. I find days with no sun okay once in a bit. But, somehow I have gone from being a pessimist to optimist in my old people mentality. I find I love the spring but live for the summer. I’ve gotten where I love being outdoors. Daylight savings time ends on Nov 6th and darkness will fall early again. I hated it when working going home in the dark. No time to sit on the patio and appreciate nature around me, just soaking it in.

Everything has it’s good side though. I find sometimes the need to remind myself of that. If it gets dark earlier in the evening on the other hand in a small amount of time it’s getting light earlier in the day. We will have 70′s this weekend which I plan on being outside to appreciate.  If I take advantage then maybe I can stock up on that sunshine feel good drug.

I can start fixing those heavy dinners that we all look forward to. Things that will warm our bones. Meals and soup’s that can be cooked all day long and fill your home with wonderful smells. Hearty meals that fill not only your stomach but your self. I’ve read of pocket meals that were made for miners back in the day. I want to try to make those and new things.

In fact, Halloween coming up is making me want to make special goodies for the kids that come and play with Leila when she is here. I’m thinking candied or caramel apples, popcorn balls. The kind of treat you can’t hand out to strangers since the Mom’s have to worry you’ve put razor blades or LSD in the treat. What a horrible world we’ve made. I suspect it might be high time we change it.

Is it too late for us as a nation to truly change the direction in which we are moving? Getting back to ridding ourselves of hunger in America for instance. Why in God’s good name is there hunger in America? We even pay our farmer’s subsidy’s and yet we have starvation in this country? Why is no one upset about this? Why are people upset about too much government when the government isn’t doing anything at all to make changes for the humans they work for?

There was a time that this country led the world in fewer birth defects, more live births, less hunger, making our country home to those that needed a better chance than their country. But, I question do we still have a chance for change? Or, have we given it up to the politician’s?

Homeless people. How do we ignore this? Why isn’t this fixed by now? Why is the 1% earning more money while the facts are the average American is earning less than in the 70′s by the time you factor in cost of living lack of annual raises, etc? When did it become okay for companies to make gigantic profits and tell their employees year after year they cannot afford to give salary increases or if they do it’s a 1% increase? HAH! Cost of living is 6%. That’s progress.

You know it isn’t. You don’t want to think about it. If you did try “owning” this REALITY then you would feel neglectful if you didn’t try and change it. Since when is the quality of our lives and our ability to financially keep our heads above water, not matter enough to do something?

Lazy, over committed, too much to do, not enough time, if I tried to do something it wouldn’t make any difference. It’s just little ol’ me. Defeatist attitude before you even get started?

We need our country to awaken from it’s great sleep/coma. If not for ourselves then for those less fortunate. Change/improvement for your children and your children’s children. Yes we can make a difference.

One by one we need to awaken from sleepwalking through our lives and begin to truly participate and not just on your immediate familial level. We need to reach out and improve, America is moving backwards and no one seems to care.

I have no idea how to help more than the next person does. I do practice daily treating others as I would like to be treated. But, that isn’t good enough for me.

I’m searching. Perhaps volunteer work for me where it hits my heart the hardest? Whacking folks upside the head to help them awaken from their great sleep? Don’t put it past me…just ask my kids I’ll whack ya and probably enjoy it. Time to move on and make our world better. If we each just do a “little” combined we can make it work. Did you know the Joplin Mo, food bank still needs assistance due to the large numbers of people still without permanent resources after the tornado? How many thousands are devoted to daily trying to change the overpopulation of cats and dogs? Yet, there is no one or no group clamoring for change for the 99%? I love my animals and they MUST be taken care of dependent upon us as they are. But, what about the young homeless family that refinanced their home to only lose their jobs..and then lose all else they need to function. Where do you thinks those folks keep their clothes for work, their loved possessions wondrously passed down to them? What is being done for those homeless children that aren’t enrolled in school? Do we have someone donating time to try and introduce some type of learning for these babies?

Yes, Occupy Wall Street is a good thing in my pea brain. However, does the American middle class understand that they are under attack? The attack is two fold to increase the power of those that have the money, and more importantly to rid America of the middle class. We take way too many resources and we make way too many demands. There are people and forces at work in our country (working behind hidden doors) that want the rich and the poor. The middle class is their worst nightmare. There are too many of us and we have access to some resources. They want to silence us. If you are poor, or poor and homeless and you have no to few resources then you won’t have to ask for much will you? Then the majority middle class will have been stifled, silenced put on mute. Wonderful right?

What do you think? Do you believe that we are just fine as is? Do you believe as long as we help make sure corporations are successful that they will take care of us the little people?

There is only one thing I can say with ANY certainty…

LOVE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD BUT ONLY IF WE SHARE IT.

Peace and love and that unforgettable necessary sigh.

Rickey

Fortune…Good Luck….Good Karma…Never Deserving of Such

Most evenings by 10:30pm or so…I’ve had my sleeping pill or a cocktail or two and it’s lights out for the Bozo. Last night was a blessed exception, I was surfing the web and just goofing around. I received a call from my youngest who was blubbering and hysterical  To the point there was no comprehension on my end. When I was trying to calm her I eventually got stinking mad. Really mad, I was and asking “How can I help you if I can’t understand you?

That is when Sgt Hollis of the Oklahoma City Police Department got on the phone. He asked you probably didn’t understand much of that – did you? I replied no, and asked please tell me what is going on. He then replied, (the death to mom’s sentence); is your daughter has been drinking and she’s been stopped by us. Can you come get her? I bit hard on my inner check (bad habit), and replied of course. He then advised she would not be arrested and her car had been moved to the other gate at the State Fair Grounds.

Are you kidding me? Why first am I awake, why is my phone not plugged in to charge in the office? What gate, where…what was your name again, SIR?

When I arrived, I had to basically navigate until I could find the correct gate. But, he in fact had given me the wrong gate. Thank God, there was another officer there that called Sgt Hollis and he would bring her over. I spent a few minutes visiting with this officer and quietly shivered in the unusually cool air we were having. Mind you, it’s after 11 at this time and starting to sprinkle.

Just when I was going to charge ahead and find my daughter. Here she comes with 3 officers not one but 3 and she is stumbling. Okay, I am not perfect. Never claimed to be close and yes, I’ve done my share and about 3/4 of the worlds share of stumbling about. But, Lord this is my child. That and I am beginning to attain the age where you recognize you are all too vulnerable. Not the 25 year old mentality of nothing can happen to me.

Long story short, both my family and my child were given a huge blessing last night. I pray that this drives home the point of once you pick up a drink you stay where you are.

A New Beginning A Wedding of the Young

I was fortunate enough to have been invited to a wedding last evening. The groom is my granddaughter’s Dad. You would assume since he is marrying someone other than my daughter that we wouldn’t have been invited. David isn’t like that though. He told my David (husband Dave) that he wanted us there – that we belonged there – that we are family. David (Leila’s father) and now for the sake of all our sanity we will call Lei’s Dad 2. We always have even back in the day when Lei’s mom and dad lived together. Two Dave’s is just too many and the elder gets to keep his name so the younger became 2. Whew – are you still with me after all of that? Well, let’s get to the point of my story.

The wedding was set in a beautiful space, it was gorgeous and awesome the music was great, the attendees all behaving well. That isn’t my story though. I’m sure 2 and his new bride Leah will have wonderful memories of the event. What I will carry in my heart forever though is the love and kindness of others. We have known of lot of 2′s friends since they were our daughter’s friends, they’ve been in my home for birthday parties, or cookouts. Since, 2 and Niki split though we don’t see them much. But, Ben made a point of coming up to Dave and I and truly visiting with us. So did Brian and Jill. 2 took the time to talk to us before and after his wedding several times even though we ran off before the reception really started. 2′s parents, Bill and Linda asked Dave and I to make sure we got our photo taken and then wanted pictures with us. “With us”, who are we??? We are just the babies grandparents but, they see us as family and that melts my heart. We all need that much kindness in our souls.

The icing on the cake though was during the ceremony. Leah and David had exchanged their vows. Then Leah asked for our baby Leila (7 not exactly a baby but she’s my baby) to stand with her Dad and she. Leah then said vows to Leila to be the best person Leah could be for Leila. That she would be there for her and cherish and love her. To help and to hold, and then gave her a ring to symbolize that commitment. I was standing (so I could see), with my hand over my mouth and tears streaming down my face.

It’s hardest for the babies to have separated, remarried mixed up families. If Mom and Dad were ever together they don’t understand why they aren’t. They don’t understand why they go from one to the other. Leila is luckier than 99.9% of the kids out there though. Her Dad is a major force in her life as is her Mom. She spends two weeks with one and then two weeks with the other and has for several years now. Both sets of grandparents are active in her life.

I just want to say, thank you David and Leah Foster. Thank you Bill and Linda Foster, and Grandma Millie and Grandpa Bob, for welcoming us as family. I’m standing in some pretty tall cotton.

I know love can cure the world but only if we share it. Peace.

On a wing – a prayer – and yes that all important sigh!

This is Maxwell Silver Hammer 2010. He was 13 this last April. I feel the need to say the 26th. He was The Man, The Myth, The Legend. The Best Damn Dog there ever was.

Today has been tough. We had to put Max down on the 23rd of June. He lived a long and I personally feel good life. I hope we didn’t put him down too late…and I know for both he and us it wasn’t too early. So hard. My favorite black child. I knew it was coming, I knew it had to be done. I’ve cried but, today for some reason was just really tough.

If you are fortunate that you’ve never put a dog down. Never experienced basically killing your dog. I was surprised. Our trip came to a culmination after Max slipped a disk and was in pain. We were at the Emergency Vet at 1am in the morning. It was in my humble opinion one of the most peaceful deaths I ever experienced. God love my boy…you could see in his eyes the pain going away, the peace coming over him…while he looked me in the eyes the whole time, until then he was gone.

We left him there for the night…I wasn’t capable of burying a dog at 2:30am…that I never wanted to lose. We got up in the morning, with puffy swollen eyes, picked our spot and started digging Max’s final home. We dug and we dug, through tree roots and dirt that didn’t want to move. It’s been 100 degrees each day since the end of May. We sweat, we drank, we took a rest and started again. Finally, I said I think this is big enough, I know it’s deep enough but I need my puppy here to make sure. My youngest daughter and I took the trip to pick our guy up. We rode home with him every bit if not more solemn then if we were burying a human. Let me just say to us…Max IS/WAS human.

God love my husband. He dug after we left and made a proper home for our puppy. We were able to come home and put Max in his resting place. Buried our Max with his beloved tennis balls, and crazy us have kind of built a shrine upon where he lies. I swear, I’m almost thinking of a tombstone, but wouldn’t that be freaky after we died and left the place for new owner’s.

Originally, I wanted him cremated and I was going to keep him in a statue at the front door to forever guard us. But, my unemployed ass had a financial problem making that happen. Also, what are you going to do? I bequeath my dog Max’s ashes to you my children. Then the one grandchild that could remember would have him. Then what here are the ashes of a dog your great grandparents owned. What would happen to him then? Not cool. I know he rests (where he loved to pee along the fence line), where he walked and ran when he was a puppy barking at the neighbor’s dogs! Right at home our Max is, right with us, body and spirit.

I’ve read recently that you have one dog in your lifetime that really stands out. Max does…and will forever in all of our hearts. My human children were devastated – after all they had grown up with their brother. He was just another sibling to the kids.

Right now, I just want to move on from the initial pain, the loneliness and yet. Yet, I know my baby is in a better place. I know Max doesn’t have the pain he had. I know he’s okay where he is…just waiting for us to join him.

My puppy forever, my best friend, and The Best Damn Dog There Ever Was!!!

I know love can cure the world – but only if we share it!

Rick