Glorious Summer

We just enjoyed another 4th of July weekend. It was happy and busy, full of visits from lot’s of folks. The food we gorged on was just too delicious. I love holiday weekends! We always tell our friends and neighbors if you want to drop by please do! Some weekends we have the same folks each day and some different each day. Usually the kids try to stop by. Because we have a pool they usually bring friends and we have SO MUCH FUN!

The 4th is a special day though. A day we remember what a GREAT nation we live in. What our military sacrifices for us. We are blessed to live in this country and we try to remember to say our thank yous!

This year we had one big meal each day on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. It made it easier than trying to feed everyone lunch and dinner. With the pool they usually come just before noon and don’t leave until whenever. The old folks usually leave just before dark and the kids always stay until way past dark. We have blow up beds and my couches, love seat and floors often contain bodies strewn all over them.

If you ever read my blog I apologize for being so off and on. I am going to try and write more often. I am still unemployed. My husband though thankfully has gotten a job! Yea one of us is working. I guess I haven’t quite worked through the anxiety and depression. But, I think writing this and sending it out to the ether might be my cure.

Thank you for your comments. I absolutely appreciate any comments, suggestions, and feedback! I honestly believe I need it!

Have a wonderful day….and

REMEMBER,

Love can cure the world but only if we share it!

Rick

The little train that could

I think I can, I think I can, I know I can.

I have started a couple of new journeys in my life recently. In acknowledging my age in my new endeavors makes me feel as if…are you sure you can do this?

WHAT??? WHAT DID I JUST THINK??? Did the thoughts are you sure you can do this when you are in your mid fifties just go through my brain??? Yes, it did. What is that weakened feeling of ability that I now feel? What in the world is going on?

I’ve always been a confident sort of gal. Not competitive just assured if it’s placed before me, then I can do it. What happened to that?

I did not have this mental backlash before my husband had his heart attack. I was still invincible and could accomplish absolutely anything. Since this past summer though when we experienced his heart attack and subsequent six bypass surgery, my age and abilities have been featured more prominently in my thoughts. Only, in a negative way, I am second guessing myself. This has to stop.

It is now affecting a new job that I have taken as Manager in Training for Tan and Tone America. I love this job. The toning is robotic exercise where the individual lays on the equipment and resists the equipments movements. This exercise is HUGELY effectively if done properly and at least three times a week. (No, I’m not trying to sell you.) We have success stories of 90 inches lost, women coming off diabetes medicine, blood pressure medicine, etc. Tanning is well tanning, my love is the robotics because we are helping people improve their self image and health.

I’m not the most intelligent person in the world, but, I am smart. I’m not the quickest person in the world, but not the slowest either. I’m not the greatest salesperson on the earth but not the worst. My resume is one I am proud to present to whomever, since it shows a persevered path of improvement one job at a time.

Now, however after six weeks in training I’m being told that my sales are not high enough nor am I fast enough on the computer to stay in the MIT (Manager In Training) program. That my salary will be greatly reduced to hourly and I’ll be moved to part time where they can only guarantee me 20 hours every two weeks. This is not something I can live on…let me assure you.

However, I’m angry. Someone, is telling me I can’t do this? First, let me tell you the owner of the company called me when he found out I had been a part of a reduction in force of my previous company. He called me…knows I would be great and met my salary expectations. Someone at corporate and my manager are making these decisions. I do know this…his daughter was incensed that her father offered me the job at the rate of pay he guaranteed. His name has not been mentioned is making these decisions based on #’s that aren’t being accurately figured and the negative comments from my manager at the store. Why??? Why am I being judged in what I think is an unfair manner? I’m not sure other than jealousy, fear, it really doesn’t matter.

I have spoken with a couple of girls that are no longer with the company. These girls contact numbers were given to me when I first went to work. I’ve contacted one of those and spoken to someone who started in the MIT program and moved to another store after she didn’t make it. Let me just say this…about all 3 of us. We have the same stories. Of, how the training stopped. Of how, we were never allowed at the tanning counter which is where the majority of sales are made. That our sales numbers are based on being on the tan counter all the hours of our shift. When in reality I myself only work a couple of hours a shift at the counter and I only qualified to be at the counter mid month. Yet my #’s are being judged on an entire shift for the entire month. Hmmmm….not really in a place where I can speak up now am I?

Call the owner, yep I did it. Did he answer? Nope. Did he return my call? Nope. Is he even aware of what is going on? I wouldn’t know since he hasn’t returned my call. Maybe he’s out of town. Maybe he doesn’t care and believes what the corporate staff is saying. Well, whatever.

I’m not giving up easily. I told my manager I would continue working on their terms and still want to be evaluated for manager in training and what day did she want to see me?

Meanwhile, I’m contacting the other MIT that was taken from training if she’ll return my call since she doesn’t know me. I’ll get her story too and then if I can’t make it – I can’t make it. But, I will share with the owner whether he wants to hear it or not, that the manager in Yukon weeds out the girls she doesn’t want by not being fair to them. I’ve also heard stories of accusing employees of theft to other employees and acts of forgery and I’ve been told to tell the owner if he wants to speak to the people saying these things I have the authority to give him their contact #’s.

Not only am I not going to begin doubting my abilities I am not going to be moved out of the way. I have accomplished more and with integrity than the person making judgment of me and I am not going to sit still and take it.

I am also, not going to turn this into a personal vendetta. I am better than that. I’m going to win or lose by playing fair and being nice.

When it’s that time to speak to the owner I will just be reporting the experience that I have lived and repeating what others have told me. What ever happens, then happens.

Go tell someone you love that you love them. You need it as much as they do.

Love can change the world but, only if we share it.

I know I can, I know I can, I know I can…from the little train that could.

Love, Peace and Confidence to you and yours!

Rick

Delicious world

When you’ve trudged through an entire winter that seemed oh so long. When the weather was harsh and unforgiving and you actually thought you might never get warm. The first truly warm days of spring (that have your allergies all in a mess) are just so delicious.

We stop and look at the light, feel the wind blow against your skin, cherish the sun’s warmth on your skin and the smell oh glorious spring. I love my seasons, especially the fall when all the animals are in a twitter with energy. The summer bakes me to a completion worthy of competition. The winter consoles my soul with stay at home days, and dreams of childhood realized with snowy days.

The spring though? Spring begins my feelings of starting over, of wanting to make anew, to prepare and make do. The warmth and the light in the evening…make me want to grab a friend and sit in the twilight. To chat and feel the quiet air swirl about you while the stars come peeking out to see you…as you see them.

Spring and the new growth in the world, the humanity of others, the love of friends and family shared – gives me hope beyond all. Hope for all of mankind…hope for me and mine, hope for a life worth living, actions worth acting…truly the hope of new life.

We must improve our world if we are to survive. Not just in the care of the planet, or the animals, or the growth, or the air, or the sun. We must improve ourselves, our visions, our understanding of life as we know it and of others, we must treat others as we would like to be treated and make this world a better place. If not, I dare to say we will soon be as extinct as the dinosaur. I care not for myself. I care for my children, for my grandchildren, for my friend’s children and grandchildren and most of all for ALL THE BABIES THE WORLD OVER THAT HAVE NO HOME…

The babies brought into the world through no thought or conscious action, the animals that are here with no home because no one cared to neuter or spay their parents and now have no home.

Are we really here, to use up our planet, our resources to benefit ourselves and leave the rest to be damned?

How in a world that HAS SPRING….is this possible?

We can cure the world with love….

But, only if we share it….

Love, Peace and Spring

Rick

A new day!

Spring, is it almost spring? My pear tree has blooms, my rose bushes are budding, my bulbs are peeking through the ground (the ones I haven’t planted upside down, lol). I should probably hire people to plant things properly. Then just maybe I could keep them alive once they grew.

It’s been a long winter. I much prefer warm weather. If I could I would live on the beach. I could be a beach bum. A good one I am sure just hanging out on the beach enjoying the sound of the ocean with the wind blowing my hair back and keeping the flying insects away from me. I want to smell the ocean and the sunscreen.

I can’t wait for natural light to fill the air outside at 9 at night. Late light, warm temps, blooming life surrounding me = happiness to me! Ugghh…I had a friend who’s Mother told her when she divorced her husband and moved away “I’ll find my happiness with or without you”! Happiness the word will never be the wonderful meaning it was prior to that. Sorry, but I heard the woman say it, and “dang it, I hear it every time” the word happiness is said.

I am loving life. Getting my feet back under me, learning a new gig and always when you are training (and stupid) look like the big GEEK in the room. I’m making fun of it instead of being serious. But, then I have to apologize to the folks that I help since it takes me 40 times longer to do anything and their precious time is being wasted by a new person. WHATEVER….got to learn how to do it.

I’m visiting with folks, I’m helping them, I’m loving it. Different hours almost every day, I am searching for negatives here and I really can’t find them.

Now, understand you have the inevitable boss training you that thinks they know everything. They also happen to be the poorest communicators on the face of the earth, but think they are fantastic. Then the judgments that they make verbally in front of others while you are fumbling your way around….Don’t you feel sorry for people that feel the need to put you down so that THEY can feel better?

Don’t even try and tell me there isn’t age discrimination out there. When your hearing begins to go, and your eyes still are deteriorating and your poor old mind doesn’t remember things at the speed of lightning others (that haven’t been there yet) make judgments. You aren’t capable – not quick enough – ask too many questions. WHATEVER… Sorry just happen to be positive I’m better than you…….at least as a human being.

I don’t need to be the best salesman, or the best worker bee, or the best cashier, or the best whatever judgment or jobs you are throwing at me. My strength lies in that I CARE about others, I TRY to take care of them, I work hard to make them HAPPY or satisfied, in the end it is the TREATMENT of the individual I am dealing with that I am concerned about.

If I treat others in the manner in which I would like to be treated. If I make someone’s day better, or just lend a damn ear. I have done my work. I have made my mark.

Your items will be sold, your memberships will increase, your satisfaction of your customer’s will grow.

WHY? It is so simple, we all need to be cared for by someone and sometimes it’s only the stranger that cares. Sometimes it is the difference in a kind word or action or a “conversation” that creates worth and happiness in the “other” person.

Please GO, call someone, hug someone, make someone happier. You need them too.

Love can change the world…..

but, ONLY if we share it.

Peace love and spring…

I love you all!

Rick

WOW, it’s Monday again!

I hope I’m not the only person in the world that needs to get their life in order. I always have said I never want to grow up. But, then at times I feel like I’m bringing myself down by not? What a conundrum…that would be my life.

It’s Monday, I work Tuesday through Saturday this week. My family is not used to me working evenings so this will be interesting. I would say I’m not used to working evenings but my old job you could work all night until 6am or through the following day at month end. Yes, I know that is stupid. You should have been there to tell my boss that. I would have been fired if I had.

So, to try and make this transition a bit easier I’m going to cook today. I’m going to make an easy chili that will reheat well.  We have leftover pork chops and rice from last night (which I’ll take bets end up in the trash or freezing for another meal). If I make hamburger steaks and campers potatoes tonight that makes two leftover meals hopefully. Also, if I throw together a good macaroni and cheese with crab that will go for a meal with some vegetables.

That and some fending for themselves should get them through the week. Granted we are all adults…it’s just something they are used to. I’m sure they would be fine if I just made sure we had the supplies in the kitchen. But, maybe if I transition softly this will go better. All this means, is I must get to the grocery store and get the supplies I need. I actually managed to not visit the store this past weekend. That is a miraculous thing in the Rudy household.

With all the winter storms we’ve had I was actually stocked up. My eldest and my grandbaby moved out weekend before last. I sent a lot of staples with them to their new apartment. Remember how expensive it is to totally stock a kitchen? It isn’t as if she didn’t have anything. But, what she had were spices and stuff like that. We didn’t want to put flour, pasta, oils, etc. in a storage unit in the dead of winter in Oklahoma. That wouldn’t have been smart. We did lose oversight and left her canola oil with her spices and it froze and thawed a few times. Guess what went in the trash? Bright aren’t we?

Oh yeah, I work Saturday and am hosting a birthday party for my twins and two other friends that have birthdays in February. There will probably be a crowd of 20 or more. I don’t have my schedule yet, but what do you bet, I get off at closing at 6p? At least, they don’t close later. Well, the morning of or evening before I can get my dips and stuff pulled together. I’ll pay my girl twinkie to clean and that will just have to be good enough. I can’t call it off, heck we have a guest coming from Texas. Besides, we have another party planned for the same time next month for Debstock. Trust me you don’t want to know. But, maybe later in our relationship…I’ll let you in on it.

It’s cold again (after being in the 70’s this weekend) the high today will be in the low 40’s. So, I guess I best shower, bundle and git to thee holy shrine grocery store.

Please go hug, kiss or call someone that needs you. You need them too.

Love can cure our world, but only if we share it!

Peace, love and groceries!!

Rick

It’s been a while since I’ve been here

My life such as it is sometimes gets so busy. I feel like all I can do is get up, get it done, and get in bed. That is how it’s been these past few weeks.

I started my new gig last week. My “title” those always make laugh is “Manager in Training”. That all by itself makes me think I’m not going to like it. I do like it kind of but….I work for a tanning and toning center. I had no idea there was so much to learn. It’s boggled my brain the amount of reading and memorization there is to it. I’m a little old to be in training around girls in their teens and twenties. Oh well, maybe I’m going about life backwards…that would be just like me. After all my first real job when I was nineteen, was as the Accounting Manager’s assistant at an oil company. So, I am going backwards.

That is fine with me…my mind is definitely not what it used to be. I attribute that to the amount I have drunk in the last several years. Trying to run and hide from my emotions does brain damage. Great, just what I needed to deal with. It was my Mom, Deb, almost Dave’s loss that I kept trying to hide from the raw emotion. I just couldn’t deal. If I dealt then I ran the danger of losing myself. They thought I was strong…it was they that made me strong. To be strong for them it was really a giant charade.

That leaves me as what? Broken, empty, lost? How about all of the above. I fortunately still have Mr. Rudy man, but I have lost my Mom and my best friend that was sister friend and more. I believe the only thing I can do is start over. I can’t make another Mom and I still have my husband who is my best friend. I guess I just need to learn how to go on in life without them.

I have their memories, I have their love, I just miss the daily interaction. I’ve also become a mess, lost sight of being the person I want to be. Hell, life really just doesn’t get any easier. You seem to have that middle part in life that it is by routine easier. Maybe it’s just me…maybe it’s just my life. All I know is I ain’t happy with myself. No one else can do anything about it so I guess I better I just don’t know where or how.

I have my new job with unconventional hours that I’m not sure I like. I have a new opportunity that I really think I’m going to love. It’s a lifestyle changing method, of losing weight first, but then maintaining your weight. The part that I like the most don’t get me wrong losing weight is beyond important for the majority of the world. But, as you are eating this food and losing your weight you are getting the vitamins and nutrients that you need. In addition, eventually along this ride you start not needing your high blood pressure medicine, your diabetes medicine. It is not a quick fix it is a lifestyle changer. I think this program alone besides helping thousands might be what helps save my lost soul.

The programs name is Take Shape for Life. As I sit and type this thinking of how upset and off balance I’ve been. I read those four words I had typed “Take Shape for Life”. Maybe, this is where I too can take shape for life.

Please go hug, kiss, call someone who needs you. You need them too!

Love can change our world, but only if we share it.

Peace, love and happiness to you!

Rick

Superbowl Sunday

I just have to be honest here…I prefer college ball not pro ball. But, it’s football and the last game of the season so better than nothing. We aren’t having a party (and really if we are going to party with the Superbowl why isn’t it on a Saturday?). A couple of friends might stop over. The kids will come home for Family Sunday Dinner and we’ll watch the big event.

It’s grey here today and cold. Personally, I could have stayed in bed all day. Instead, I was a good girl and got up and put on the Vegetable Beef Soup (recipe under Rudy Recipe tab). All those fresh vegetables simmering for hours….mmmm. It made me want to go to the Farmer’s Market cutting all that stuff up this morning.

I need to go make the dips and the cocktail sauce for the shrimp. Weird line up I’ve got going…vegetable beef soup, fresh crusty bread, shrimp cocktail, guacamole. Ewwww, together it all sounds horrid. Mr Rudy man wanted the guacamole, my soon to be daughter in law loves shrimp…don’t ask me how I got here. I think I must have just fallen down the rabbit hole with you guys.

Enjoy your day.

Go hug… kiss…love…or call someone who needs you. You need them and their love as well.

Love can cure our world but, only if we share it!

Peace love and footieball!

Rick

Today it is SO not about me or even mine…

Life it happens, second by second, minute by minute, life by life, family by family and hopefully by friends.

Self subscribed fool that I am that I believe you own your life. You are responsible for how you respond to things and what your attitude should be.

Someone slap me HARD, not once not twice but enough times I should never ever utter that shit again.

A friend, a good friend, a former co-worker and his wife that became great friends. Together this week experienced the one thing that I truly believe would totally ruin me. A child of theirs, all of 31 years of age – died. I don’t know the details…I’m not sure I need to, or the results of the autopsy.

What I do know is no matter how badly I want to help…no matter how hard I will try…there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING I can do to help this family.

We will be there tomorrow for the funeral. Mr Rudy man and I will share our love and our sympathy and reaffirm our friendship. That’s nice, it’s what you “should/would” do, but it won’t help them. They will appreciate us being there they will remember it, but WE CAN’T HELP THEM.

In my little former pre marriage family we never experienced loss of a child. Suicide of an uncle that was untimely, not natural but never the death of a child.

Mr Rudy man’s Mom experienced it though. She experienced a younger sister dying while she was “watching” the younger children of her family. This resulted in her not being able to physically speak for a year is what I’ve been told. God love MeMa….I knew her well and it would have been terribly hard. Harder still for her…in her retirement her eldest took his life. Mr Rudy man’s eldest brother wham bam thank you “I don’t want to be here anymore”. This after I had my babies. I watched the love of my life lose his eldest brother and his mother lose her eldest child. I have trouble coming to terms with the death of a child, no matter the child’s age. With that being said a young child I safely think I could probably go ahead and just “quit”.

I think I may have mentioned I am in the middle of a life changing commercial (for lack of a better word). One in which I want to help, I want to give and share love.

Let’s see how well I do with this. It will at least give me a marker for where I am in my journey.

Please now  go hug…kiss…love…or call someone who needs you. You need them and their love as well.

Love can cure our world…but, only if we share it!

Peace to the broken hearts around our world…

Rick

On a wing AND A PRAYER don’t forget that sigh…

I’ve had a lot of extremely emotional and earth shattering experiences this past couple of years. I subscribe to the belief that it is only as good/or as bad as you personally make it. I truly believe you have to own your life and be responsible for your happiness or lack thereof. I don’t subscribe to the belief that everyone is where they want to be. If that were the case we would all be doing nothing and wouldn’t that horrify you?

I lost someone a few years ago (as in she died, I didn’t lose her). I was positive that my life hinged on my relationship with her. I was closer to her, than my Mother, my brother, even at times forgive me Mr. Rudy man, my husband. I’m still not over her not being here to talk me through whatever I’m going through. Read… tears starting to fall.

Last summer, I almost (God Forbid) lost my husband to a heart attack and six bypass surgery. To say that was life shattering almost is an understatement. My life and happiness does hinge on Mr. Rudy man.

What a "summery" day at 10 degrees.

In December of last year I was laid off for all intents and purposes. My response was mixed relief…I had known it was coming just not when. Happiness that I no longer had to work in a stress charged mental institution for all intents and purposes. Fear of what would become of my family without my income.

When I was a child and dreamed. I dreamed of being a psychologist. What little I know of the science tells me that in the last 24 months or so I had experienced LIFE CHANGING trauma. Not one, not two, three or more if I want to count the little ones…like children and grand children moving in with you. That has actually ended up being a wonderful experience. I warned you though, I subscribe to owning your life, responsibility for your happiness or lack thereof.

So, what to do with what was left of my life? I’m a grandmother, in my fifties, halfway (at least) through my life…serious stuff even for me. Every fiber in my being screams “CHANGE” change what you are doing.

I have spent the last six plus weeks…mulling my state of affairs. Trying to determine what in the world was the best route to go when NO ONE had drafted my route. Dang…I hate it when that happens or better said doesn’t.

I took some time off, the month of December. I got to decorate without stress…I was able to shop with no stress of time restraints…I enjoyed Christmas, baking, family, shopping (I hate to shop), decorating ALL because I had the time to appreciate it.

Second week of January and I was starting to look at the online job boards, submit a newly revised resume, write lousy cover letters. For the life of me I don’t understand the purpose of a cover letter. I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, tool in the shed…see I don’t even know the “saying”.

I did know this – I needed to change my life. Working for a living to pay the mortgage wasn’t enough any longer. I needed to do something that allowed me to spread LOVE, that is always at the top of my speak, happiness, health and I didn’t care if I had to take a pay cut.

I’ve quit smoking with Mr. Rudy man’s heart experience. I’ve learned to live without my bestest ever friend. I’ve been happy to learn how to live without a job that just was NOT me.

What is my next BEST chapter of my life? Tune in tomorrow we have definitely had some encouraging and very enlightening telephone calls. My best prayer is the next 50 to 75 years of my life will be filling other lives with love, hope, happiness and health.

Please go hug, kiss, love or call someone who needs you. You need them and their love too!

Love can change the world, but only if we share it!

Love, Peace, Happiness and Giving to you and yours.

Rick

Winter in my neck of the woods!

I should have taken a picture on Saturday of the back yard. We were watering since it has been dry here. The temperature was a warm 74 degrees on the 29th of January. Something I love about Oklahoma you can have a summer/spring day in the middle of winter. The warm days in January, February and March give you hope for springs arrival.

This is my view out the front window three days later with WCI at negative 10 – 20 degrees. My puppies can get out and play, the cats are looking at me like I’m crazy. Which of course I am. The meteorologists believe it’s quit snowing. You can’t tell however, since we have a “ground blizzard”.

Rudy man himself was “thinkin” or more properly – he tried to think and nothing happened (stolen from the 3 Stooges) that he should go to the pharmacy and get his blood pressure medicine.  So, Mr R man who experienced a heart attack in June is getting out in this?

Mr Rudy man almost naked in -10 wind chill turning the hot tub on.

But, recovering heart attack victim has his priorities straight, which means one must turn the hot tub on first. Then he will attempt to drive 3 miles (doesn’t seem like much) to the pharmacy to get his blood pressure medicine. But wait, first the driveway must be cleared to remove the car from the garage. Actually, I was thinking a sleigh ride would be nice.

Ms Mouth explaining that the drift must be shoveled first before they can leave. DOH!!!

Together they shoveled enough to get the car out. Mr. Rudy man and Ms. Mouth made it a block. Cars were stuck in drifts….drifts blocked streets…together they got back home safe. But, how they had to do it was interesting. THEY HAD TO BACK ALL THE WAY HOME!

So, I will feed Mr. Rudy man, Ms. Mouth, taller Rudy man – beans and cornbread and beer and Bailey’s. This will be done to ensure that Mr. Rudy man keeps his blood pressure down. Should be very interesting around here after a few hours since it’s only 3 in the afternoon.

Who knows what kind of trouble we will be into later. I love absolutely love days that you can sleep in, wake up and begin cooking something that will cook all day AND make your home smell fantastic. After making a mess in the kitchen you can wait to clean it since you’ll be home all day. Wait to clean it and sorry you will be!!! Can’t be helped lazy equals payback for me at any rate. Have you ever noticed sometimes it’s just better to “JUST DO IT” sorry Nike.

Puppies – okay neither of my current dogs are puppies. But Noah is made for snow and Max well, there can’t be enough said about Max. For now let’s take a look at Noee Snoee out and about on the deck. He likes it for about 10 and it’s then even too cold for him. That of course, is true since he lives inside with us. Sorry, but I don’t believe in outside dogs. If you have them that is great that falls under your business. I tried really for me tried….to make Max an outside dog. So, glad I failed (not the only thing I’ve failed doing) Max is the best puppy ever. Okay, we’ve already established that he isn’t a puppy and this was supposed to be about Snoee Noee, who is right here.

I like it! Where is everyone else?

Enough…I must go yell at my crock pot for not cooking fast enough and finishing cleaning that darn darn darndest kitchen.

Wish I knitted then you wouldn’t have to be exposed to all of this dirty kitchen, laundry, Rudiness!

Please go hug, kiss, love or call someone who needs you. You need them and their love too!

Love can cure our world, but only if we share it!

Peace, love and puppies…that is all we need…..Rick